I didn’t want it to be true… but numbers don’t lie.
Recently, I came across a statistic that said 65% of people express anger over the phone, 26% in writing and 9% face to face.
I got to thinking back to my early entrepreneurial days. I used to get so excited, wound up and so intense that I would end up alienating people with my energy.
Now energy and excitement are usually seen as positive…
…but my excitability was based on unresolved issues from my past. I was so intense that when I would talk… I literally would have spit coming out of my mouth!
I was early in my recovery from addictions stemming from anger issues from my past. I realized after several years of recovery that I was a dry drunk. I had addressed the effect of my alcohol addiction, but I never addressed the cause that created that effect. I was sober, but I still had not addressed the unresolved issues that led to my addiction in the first place.
So when I started off in my network marketing business, my anger issues affected my prospecting, connecting, closing and ability to lead. If I wasn’t doing everything… all the time, my business would fall apart.
I’ve coached over 12,000 clients in the past 20 years. And I’ve seen how anger can play a role in sabotaging success. So, this week I wanted to show you how to optimize your business by releasing anger that no longer serves you….
Let’s start with how anger affects your wealth.
You might not think that anger has anything to do with your wealth or your business.
It’s one of the key internal obstacles to financial success.
Anger repels wealth. Bitterness and anger take you in the opposite direction of building wealth and prosperity.
When it comes right down to it, anger can be an expensive habit. Let me tell you how…
You see… Anger can lead to poor decisions like impulsive spending and rash business decisions. When you struggle with unresolved anger, you will tend to feel pessimistic, and this can have an effect on your financial decisions. If you’re angry, it’s likely you will alienate people from your circle of influence.
When you’re angry, resentful, hostile, or hateful, you send a mixed message to people that says, “Come near me and violate me,” or “Allow me to violate you.” That kind of energy typically isn’t conducive to collaboration or creating results—whether in life or in business.
Now, you may be thinking… Well Jeff, you were angry and created success…
So here’s my response.
Anger is not a black-and-white situation. There are angry people who do have various degrees of success. But there are successful people who channel their anger into addictions and then end up sabotaging themselves.
People might have different degrees of success, but the fact remains… Anger is an energy that is ineffective long-term when it comes to achievement.
I’ll tell you from experience—It’s exhausting… It’s overwhelming and it alienates good people from your circle of influence. It puts others in a position where they are uncomfortable around you… and that’s definitely not helpful.
I’ll lay it out for you… Anger is not conducive to any kind of prosperity!
The Faces of Anger
Take a moment and ask yourself this…How does anger show up in my life?
Let me enlighten you if you are having trouble figuring it out. Is one or more of these scenarios you?
- You feel unappreciated. No matter how hard you try, you can’t seem to please those around you. You work long hours, you make sacrifices, but those you sacrifice for don’t seem to respect you or even recognize or appreciate all you’ve done for them. If you have a job, you put in extra hours, but your boss fails to affirm you or compensate you for the extra effort you expend on his or her behalf.
- Life feels like a battle. When you look around, others don’t seem to struggle the way that you do. They seem to float effortlessly through their days, while you seemingly are slogging through mud. People seem like adversaries; you must constantly be on your guard or defending your position.
- Everyone else seems to be happier than you are. Especially with the advent of social media, it’s easy to feel that everyone else has an amazing life with no challenges or heartaches. You, on the other hand, can never seem to get ahead or enjoy the good things in life. For you, life is one long struggle with no end in sight, and it doesn’t seem fair.
Now let’s take a look at where this anger and unhappiness came from…
A lot of your anxiety is based on past events—specifically when you were a child growing up and not given the proper tools, techniques, guidance, mentoring, or therapy to learn to let go.
Let me break it down for you.
Events shape your feelings. There are events from your past that created the anger you struggle with today.
You may have been violated…
You may have been abused…
You may have been neglected…
You may not have been able to please people in your circle of influence…
You may have grown up with passive-aggressive angry personalities in your circle of influence…
So here’s what you have to do. You have to understand the cause that creates the effect. This is the biggest lesson I teach all my clients and my audiences.
To understand cause and effect, you must understand the events that shaped your feelings.
If you are overwhelmed, that’s an effect.
If you have low self-esteem, that’s an effect… not a cause.
If you are in guilt or shame, that’s an effect—that’s an emotion.
It’s not a cause…
If you are overwhelmed, if you are anxious, if you are unorganized… these are all effects.
Effects are based on causes. The more you understand the cause that creates the effect, the more awareness you will have, and the better chance you’ll have of letting go.
If you want to have a better understanding of yourself and others…
Take a look at the different anger personality types that emerge. Is one of them you… or someone in your business?
The Anger Personalities
The Angry Giver
The Angry giver says yes to everything. This type of person can’t or won’t say NO to anything.
I would call them a “yes-aholic.”
They are addicted to giving and serving. These people spend much of their time doing things for others—often things they don’t really enjoy doing for people they don’t really like.
They like to rescue others… they gravitate to individuals who require “fixing.”
Angry givers are resentful. In spite of all they do for others, these people never feel recognized and rewarded fairly. They feel resentful because no one recognizes them for their contributions.
They give to the point of exhaustion, and then end up sulking… full of self-pity. The result is drama and conflict because of how slighted they feel.
So here’s how it affects their business…
By over-giving, overcommitting, and overdoing… other areas of angry givers’ lives fall apart. They refuse to delegate tasks to others out of a sense of perfectionism.
As their workload continues to pile up, they begin to miss deadlines and appointments. They overbook, overschedule, are continuously late, fall behind, and forget important information. Angry givers become so overwhelmed by their many obligations that they end up neglecting other important areas of their life.
It is common for an angry giver’s life to go from highly productive to a complete meltdown.
Now here’s something you may not have known…
Anger often manifests itself as perfectionism.
There is nothing that leads to sabotaging success more than expecting yourself to be perfect. Nothing and no one is good enough for an angry perfectionist.
Perfectionism is a way to stay in control, and it opens the door to all kinds of angry reactions.
I struggled with perfectionism for years, and I’ve experienced the damage it caused in my relationships. No one could ever live up to my standards. The perfectionism gave me a sense of control.
Realize that angry perfectionists are hypercritical. They are extremely judgmental and see everything as all or nothing… black or white. There’s no middle ground. You’ll find they are especially critical of themselves as well.
This is why they shy away from opportunities that involve trial and error. They can’t afford to make mistakes.
So here’s how it affects their business…
Angry perfectionists are loners. They feel most comfortable when they work alone. So, in a networking business where connecting and collaborating are the way to success… you can see how this personality would have challenges optimizing their income and business.
Their angry perfectionism negates any real success they could have because there is no success without collaboration with other people. They end up alienating the very individuals who could be their strongest allies because they insist on being right. They have angry outbursts and provoke arguments.
Here’s what I’ve found…
Angry perfectionists don’t understand the difference between perfection and excellence. They are more like machines than human beings. Somewhere along the line perfectionists shut off their emotions and just tried harder to live up to the expectations of some authority figure—a parent, a teacher, an older sibling.
They developed the belief that if something wasn’t perfect…
…it wasn’t enough.
A variation on the angry perfectionist is the angry produceaholic. This is an individual who uses anger to focus on producing results.
Now… producing results sound like a positive situation, but when anger is the root, it’s a different animal.
Production has become their identity.
What typically happens is that they become so driven by their anger that other areas of their life suffer. Intimacy, hobbies, friends, spouses all fall by the wayside in the pursuit of production.
I used to be an angry produceaholic.
But today… I’ve learned to be a peaceful relaxer instead. I enjoy taking vacations. I’ve learned to take mini-breaks. I was forty years old when I heard the words “relaxed intensity,” and those two words changed my life. Up until that point, all I knew was “intensity.”
Now I produce in a relaxed intensity and my business has never been more successful.
Let’s talk about the letting go process.
If you’re serious about changing and transforming… letting go is the key to being prosperous, spiritual, available, genuine, authentic, and in the present.
But in order to let go… you have to know what to let go of. Letting go is a surrendering technique.
The events that have shaped your feelings happened in your childhood, your adolescence, your teenage years—they happened yesterday, today, last week.
And whenever they’ve happened, they created in you a feeling, a mood, and finally an identity.
When you learn how to let go of your anger, you release your feelings about events. When you’re able to separate yourself from the facts… the facts remain the facts.
Here’s what you start to do:
Learn to let go of your feelings about an event…
Change your perception of a situation…
Change your language when you talk about these things…
Let go of getting even…
Let go of what you have no control of…
Let go of what’s not going to serve you…
Let go of what’s going to burn your most valuable commodity—time. Address what you have to address and move on.
So when someone says something unfavorable on Facebook… it’s much easier to simply delete the post, block the person, and move on. Don’t sabotage your business reputation because of conflict on social media.
Letting go is powerful.
You can expect to experience a real transformation as you release the blocks that have kept you from enjoying achievement and fulfillment in your life. You’ll begin to experience new opportunities and choices.
You will start to live and produce in a new place called peace.
And that my friends… is how you will optimize your business.